Monday, December 9, 2013

Photos of Myself

When I was going through my Wreck This Journal, I flipped to the page where you put a picture of you that you don't like and you deface. But as I was thinking about what photo to put there, I realized I don't really love any photos of myself.
I could probably count on one hand the number of pictures taken of me recently that I have actually liked.
I usually don't look at pictures that I am in. I will glance at them and smile at everyone else, but then I sort of skip over myself. I know that I'm in it, but I don't really comprehend the whole picture. Maybe this is the reason I don't have a camera except for the crappy one on my phone, and I really don't take selfies (which is basically impossible, again, because of my phone).
By now you are probably thinking I have a bad self image or something. And this isn't really true. I accept myself for who I am and enjoy all the things that make me weird or different or stand out. But of course everyone has their own insecurities, so there are things that I worry about a little bit.  But generally I don't worry or think badly about all of the scars I have, or my round face, or my enormous hands. I take it in stride, along with most of the annoying or crappy things that happen on a weekly basis.
 So I guess I attribute the whole photo avoidance thing to something sort of superstition.
(Okay, not that type of superstition. But that was asking to be put in there. Hehehehe. Well, by the little voice in the back of my mind going, "You know you want to..." Anyways back to what I was saying before.)
While people who know me may not think I'm super superstitious (ha, I liked how that sounded, sorry continue reading), I unconsciously sort of am. I'll read horoscopes for fun, then end up following them, even though I try to convince myself that it's not true at all. When I heard that they were building a second Titanic, I sort of lost my mind and tried to convince a bunch of people to never, ever ride on it because surely they would drown. Naming and creating a replica of a ship that sunk and killed so many people is just a beacon of bad luck and not good ju-ju.
So when I see a picture of myself, I feel like I unconsciously feel like there is a little part of my soul or something in those pictures, and that by looking at it I'm giving it over to the photo.
Okay, I actually have no idea what I'm unconsciously thinking (that's why its unconscious) but I'm just trying to give an idea to something I can't really put into words.
Oh well, I tried.
So this was sort of a feelz post, but it felt good to write it down anyways.
But now I want to write something funny to relieve all this tension. Hmmmm...
Nope that didn't work. Well, I gots to go do some homework and write a speech, so I'll catch you on the other side of the next post my brain decides to vomit out an idea for.
P.S Now I'm listening to Superstition. Thanks Stevie Wonder for working your way into my brain...

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